Its been a good 10 posts

These posts did not end up how I originally thought they would. There are many things that I had not realized about myself until I was forced to actually THINK and write them down. If I wasn't such a lazy person I would definitely consider writing down my thoughts for an actual blog. It seems like you are free to write down whatever you want/feel and no one can tell you anything about it. It seems like you actually have control over something for once. It makes me wish that life was like a blog. You can add onto it with a key board and delete it or fix it with the ABC grammar button.

One thing that I definitely keep in mind is that writing down a list of things that made me happy for the first post was so hard, in fact TOO hard. I feel like that is so wrong. You should be able to come up with a million things that make you happy. This happiness project motivates me to go do/find things that do make me happy besides the things that are in these posts. It also makes me want to get rid of the things that make me unhappy and turn them into happy things.

When I go back and read my previous posts I am faced with the truth, but most importantly I am faced with me. I wrote those. Those are my thoughts. There are many things that I am so uncomfortable about but I wrote them down anyways. It feels like this blog makes you feel free to do so.

I made a Tumblr account a few years ago but I didn't know how to use it so I never do. Well that and I forgot my password. I feel like by reading someones blog you get to know them better than if you actually met them in person. A lot of times people express themselves better online than in person. There are a lot of times that people are completely different in person than they are in social media. Writing is the same way, many people write what they can't verbally say.

A blog is like a modern version of a diary. I feel like you can reflect on things much easier than if you called your best friend at 2 a.m and talked about your emotions. There are a lot of things that you can find out about yourself just by signing in to a blog and let your mind control your fingers.

It's more than music

The truth is that coming up with ideas to write down for this happiness project was harder than I anticipated. I never thought that it would be hard to come up with things that made me happy. Then I realized that as I actually typed my blogs the one thing they all had in common was that I wrote them down while listening to music.

"Music is my escape"

A lot of people refer to music as a Savior from their life, something that makes them escape from reality. I feel like for me it is what traps me in my thoughts. I never really thought about it until now but I honestly torture myself with my play lists. 

The types of music I listen to vary so much it is not even funny. It all depends on what mood I am. I can go from listening to old hip hop, pop, rap, house music, and then next thing you know I'm like crying listening to Mexican music. I listen to music for two reasons: Either I'm really happy and just feeling it or I'm really just laying there starring at the sealing thinking about life like my home girl up there in that picture. 

I will bring up this example only because it applies here.  A couple posts later you would think I'm over it by now right? Well anyways my ex and I had these songs that we would always listen to in the car and I find myself listening to them over and over again post break up. I wouldn't like cry or anything I would just torture myself by listening to them and it sounds so petty when I actually think about it but I would still do it. Maybe as a coping method? I have no idea but I would find myself up at 3 a.m. not being able to sleep but playing these songs until it would physically hurt. Lately I have done this less often and I honestly feel like all I needed was time. I used to not even say his name without wanting to burst out into tears. As more time goes by those memories fade and the songs end.

I have also realized how much music can affect a person. It can make you smile and laugh just like it can make you break down and reevaluate your whole life. It is one of those things that can affect your whole mood in just a press of a button. Music artists are so clever. They write down all these feelings and convert them into a song that you can relate to. I can see why some people rely on music to express themselves. There are in fact a lot of things that are written as lyrics that a lot of people could never own up to and express for themselves. I also love the fact that there are so many different music genres. I have never met someone that doesn't like music. No matter how weird or out of my comfort zone their music is they at least listen to something.

Music doesn't help me express myself or helps me avoid my feelings. For me it helps me face them. When I listen to something that I can relate to it makes me face my problems by wanting to do something about them, wanting to find a solution, or even to find ways to cope with them. Music makes me think  A LOT. Sometimes too much. If I have no one to talk to or no one that understands me, I just put my headphones and let my thoughts consume me. By listening to music I can go from being unhappy and stuck, to being inspired and optimistic. Or from being happy to crying and eating Ice cream at 3 a.m. it just kind of depends on my play list.

Ohana

Blood is thicker than water.

The one thing that I am forever grateful for is my family. They make me so angry. We don't always get a long and we have our differences but I love them.

In Into the Wild Chris often refers to the fact that one of the reasons why he wanted to be in the wild and away from society was because he couldn't stand people specially his family. I don't think that I could ever drop my family and leave. As much as we may disagree with each other I love them enough to not want to be separated from them. I often express the fact that I like feeling independent and self sufficient, but the truth is I will always need my family to be there. Ever since I can remember I've always had their support. I know that they always have my best interest in mind and I am beyond grateful for that. 

There are some people that unfortunately aren't as lucky as I am. No family is perfect, However; there are people that don't even have a family to fall back on. There are people that were born into this world just to be left behind. There are others that simply choose not associate with their family and that is truly unfortunate. I know I am not one of those people and that fact just makes me happy.

Realizing that some people aren't fortunate enough to have what I have makes me change my outlook on certain things. There are time that I'll do things that my parents frown upon and they make them so upset. Reflecting on my actions makes me want to TRY and avoid provoking them this way because they deserve as a good as a daughter as they are parents. I always treat people the way they treat me and this just doesn't have the best results sometimes. There are times that I will do things out of anger and impulse and I should probably stop. In some ways I am an angel. In others I am worse than the devil. Sometimes I feel bad for people that have kids because I feel like we don't appreciate EVERYTHING that our families do for us. We take a lot of things for granted.

I am the oldest child in my family. I honestly miss being an only child sometimes. I am thankful for my siblings though because having them around makes things less dull around the house. There are times that we can't get a long but I love the little things they do that make me smile. As the oldest child my parents often tell me that I have to set a good example for them. My sister is seven years old and my not so baby brother is three years old. Compared to them we have a huge age difference. I hate this sometimes. My parents will let them get away with things that were completely unacceptable for me to do when I was their age. I feel like I had it more rough than they ever will. I was forced to do more things on my own since I didn't have siblings to look out for me. It is what it is though and I feel like I will always have the encouragement to be better for them. Of course I want what is best for them so I want to set a good example for them to follow. I don't want any of them doing bad for themselves. Having a family that makes me reflect this way on my life is truly a blessing and it is something that is definitely a factor that contributes to my happiness.

2 fat 2 function

Food is life.

When I first started the happiness project I had to write down things that made me happy. Well what does make Ailyn Ayala happy? The first thing I could come up with was duh FOOD. I don't even know why we enjoy food so much. It is a basic necessity that we need to survive. However we often abuse it. I notice that I eat A LOT. *Shrugs* 

 
I used to be really conscious about my body. I don't know why that changed but I guess I am pretty happy about myself now. I used to limit my diet and work out like crazy. I eventually lost my motivation. Take me back to those days! Yes, every time I look in the mirror there will always be things I don't like about myself however; I choose not to over react and go crazy over my imperfections. There are people that have serious problems over this. I would hate living my life that way. That is one of the reasons why I choose not to stress over something that I can't control. I acknowledge the fact that it is important to maintain a healthy state of mind. Obviously you don't want to die at the age of 30 from eating so much Rocky Road ice cream and french fries. Hey Fries before guys right?





I don't consider myself a fat person. Food is just one little silly thing that puts a smile on my face. I guess one of the reasons why I put food down on my happiness list is because it gives me comfort. If everything else fails there is always food to help. Remember my grandma from a couple posts ago? I always try to convince her eat healthier and she just says "What if I die tomorrow, If I don't eat these tacos right now I might die with the craving and that would be so tragic mija". So of coarse I use that reasoning on a midnight snack run. I can easily see how people can't get so out of control with this. I am honestly grateful that I do not have this problem. Food just tastes SO good oh my god.

Pizza, hot wings, hamburgers, chips, soda, cookies, cake, ice cream, milkshakes, candy, cheese fries

I remember over the summer I went out to eat with this guy to Buffalo Wild Wings. Ailyn loves her hot wings. Everything went fine, until he said that he didn't want his wings anymore so I grabbed them and I ate them. Yes, I ate my wings and his. On the first date. This describes so well I am not even joking. As funny and embarrassing as that was he did not lose interest. GOALS. I feel like when you do meet someone that you can potentially have a future with you should consider these little things. Of course it didn't work out with that guy in the long run but you know what I mean.

Friends 4 ever

 

"FRIENDS"

It is so hard to find a person that is loyal, honest, shares the same interests and is worthy of your time. Once you do though keep them. A lot of my closest friends I never thought would be my friends in the first place. There are a lot of different kinds of friends in my eyes. There are those friends that you don''t see that often but you still keep in touch and consider them your close friends. There are others that you don't talk to that often but you still trust them with your life. There are those that you cannot live without and you spend every living minute with.

 

One of my closest friends I met in middle school, Michelle Hernandez. I honestly never thought we would end up being as close as we are today. My first impression of her was that she was self centered, stuck up, and annoying. But then BOOM. We became the best of friends. Probably because we have so much in common! There are other of my closest friends that we became inseparable the minute we met. The point is that it is important to have people in your life that you can count on. You can't do everything by yourself you need support, advice, and most importantly comfort.

 

It is hard for me to trust someone because of previous experiences right? However I found that in my happiness list a lot of the events that made me happy I've shared with my friends. I love getting together with them trying new things and being reckless. They're my girls. If anything makes me unhappy they're there to switch it up and make things better.

 

I love meeting new people and making new friends. However I have noticed that I can't open up to everyone. I'm outgoing and not scared to approach people but that doesn't mean I will involve myself in a close relationship with just anyone. I feel like I am very selective when it comes to those things.

 

There are a lot of things that will be hard on us. There will always be bumps on the road. But having friends around to be there for you is important. I have realized wen writing down all the things that make me unhappy I have gotten over by having them around. They make me laugh and they make me realize things that I can't reason on my own. I have also realized how lucky I am to have them in my life period. If it wasn't for their support I would probably be in a mental hospital right now. I don't depend on them for anything but they are just the cherry at the top of my sundae.

The less routine the more life

• Wake up,
• Go to school
• Come home
• Eat, social media, hw
• Go to work
• Come home, social media
• Midnight snack?
• Sleep
• Repeat

OH LORD WUT IS LIFE?

There are so many obligatory things we need to do it is exhausting. Why? We follow the same routine daily and it sucks the life out of you. You have so much pressure to do what you need to do just to make it somewhere in life. Being a teenager makes you want to explode. Where do you want to go to school? Have you thought about what you want to do after you graduate? You should definitely do this but not this because of this. OKAY? What about what WE want to do. No one ever thinks about our happiness or tries even to make these transitions a little easier on us. Teachers over whelm us with homework and where is the fun of it?

Sometimes you just want to run away. Drop everything and just get away. Except we can't because we need parental consent for every freaking thing we do.

Now I begin to comprehend why people would be crazy enough to give away their belongings, burn their money, and go devote their life to the trees and the squirrels like in Into the Wild. People get tired of each others bs it is insane but ratable. Those people honestly have balls.

Routines consume us. Some people are too involved with their everyday obligations to realize that you may not wake up the next morning. It is true if you think about it, you may diet any moment of any given day. This makes me think about my future. I want to work my butt off now so that in the future I don't have to worry about anything I can enjoy my life try new things with the people I love. I don't want to worry if I have enough money to pay the bills, I want to give my parents the luxuries they could never have. I want to travel and have fun not be stuck in an endless death trap also known as routine.

Money buys happiness

Shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist.

I love getting dolled up. I consider myself being really feminine.When I dress good I feel good. I'm one of those girls that must have her nails done at all times or else I feel like I have lost it. Despite whats going on I always feel the need to look decent no matter where I am going. In my eyes first impressions are everything. What if I'm at walmart with my mom and I run into my future husband and I look like a homeless girl on crack. UNACCEPTABLE. At least wear a cute little hoodie and jeans, comb your hair, and put some lip gloss on.

One of the reasons why I am that way is because of my grandma and my mom is the complete opposite from us. My grandma is 55 years old and she still wears her acrylics and high heels. She recently got a couple surgical procedures done to doll herself up. She says she refuses to be an ugly grandma. I don't blame her for that because if she feels the need to do that in order to feel good about herself then why not? Rock it granny. I've always been closer to her than my mom so she probably influenced my ways. #2fab4life

My grandma always told me if you want something buy it. You never know if you'll die the next day and you died with the desire of a Michael Kors purse. So fudge it right? Be broke for a couple weeks but "Money comes and goes" as she often reminds me. I am not exaggerating when I am in line at a store about to spend more than a hundred dollars on something completely irrelevant that I don't need I literally say a bunch of times in my head "Money comes and goes, what if you die tomorrow Ailyn".

As insane as our logic may sound it comes in handy. She has a point if you want something go for it. Set up goals for yourself, do what you need to do and DO IT. Don't just say you're going to do it and then not do it.

People have different types of ways to relive their stress. Some people exercise others do drugs, go to the spa, get drunk me however Shopping is my thing. Because when I shop the world gets better.
I can't explain it but it isn't for the material things that you are looking for. When you are walking around looking at things you find inner peace. You get your mind off things and you get super cute things while you're at it. Well as long as you have money it is fun. Shopping by myself is a different experience than shopping with my friends. When I shop alone it is great I can take my time no disruptions no distractions. However when you're with your friends you have to compromise to go to stores you all like an then sometimes they rush you and it is just a pain. When I go shopping I like to actually look at stuff and when you're with your friends you get to gossip and shop. Best of both worlds.