Do not h8

PEOPLE.

They just irk me. A trend on my happiness list that made me unhappy was people. As a sales associate at Sears I find myself encountering people all the time. I don't mind it but then I do. I will perfectly organize my department and next thing you know everything is on the floor and just like my life... a mess. It's normal when you work in retail people just make a mess. But there are times when you find yourself fixing something and people will come and mess it up in front of your face. Like OK at least have the audacity to wait until I turn around or walk away. Sometimes I'll be putting stuff away and people will come and take things from my rack. That just bothers me so much. Please wait until I put everything away or ask If you need something. Or in the fitting rooms too, one time I found a mannequin in the fitting room. DID THEY TRY ON THE MANNEQUIN or nah. Seriously people just bother me.

Don't get me wrong I don't dislike ALL people just MOST. 

 I do think I am a people person even though I act like I'm not. Since my job was only seasonal at first, when the season was over a lot of my coworkers where "let go". That just made me feel sad because I had grown to like them and now I wouldn't see them everyday since they're soon going away to college also.

It's easy for me to talk to new people and get a long with everybody. I'm not shy and I'm not scared to approach people. However, for me to actually like you and associate myself with you it is very rare. There are people that I just instantly don't like. Just my looking at them once I just hate you instantaneously. There is no reason. They didn't do anything to me but I just dislike them right then and there. There are other people that I just get along with the minute I meet them. I can't explain why that is but it happens.

Another thing I've noticed is that I hold grudges. It is a really bad habit but I find myself not able to forgive. Sometimes my mom makes me go to church and I'll admit I'm not all holy and Jesus is always the answer type of girl but I feel bad when the priest always talks about forgiveness and loving each other to live at peace with our souls. I just feel like when people do something to really and I mean REALLY upset me I just can't get over it. I feel like you have ruined your reputation with me and I can't look at you the same. No matter how much you apologize or try to make it up to me I just can't and won't see you the same way. I probably should change my ways, but let's be honest I won't. There are certain qualities that you dislike about yourself but you can't change because that's just how you are.

I don't like associating myself with negativity. That's also a reason why I am like that too. If there are problems in your life AND you still choose to deal with people you will just make matters worse so a simple solution is to just stop associating yourself with those type of people and just do your thing.

Let's break it down

To start off I noticed that I am a very stubborn person. I HATE hearing "no". Its like that word is a high pitched noise and I can't stand it under no circumstance. The feeling of me being self sufficient makes me feel more at peace with my self. There are some women for example that depend on their husbands or "male friends" for certain needs and as a white girl would say " I just can't even". As if you really lose your ability to "even". The point is that I relate to those other types of woman that feel the need to provide everything for themselves and refuse to weaken themselves by depending on others. That's the way it should be in my eyes. You should set certain goals for yourself and rise to the top and achieve a good life for yourself not for anyone else.

So work it. Be tough but fab at the same time.

Recently I got a job at sears and it seems like everyone in my family has a problem with it and I just don''t see why. One of the things on my happiness list was receiving my paycheck. Not so much for the money but because I love the feeling that I earned what I'm getting no one is simply giving it to me. I just hated relying for my parents for everything. I dreaded asking my parents for twenty bucks every time I wanted to go to the movies with my friends. My friends often nag me sometimes about it too saying that I'm always busy and can't hang out with them because of work. At least when I do go out with them I won't be broke. My parents tell me that I don't "NEED" to work and they simply don't understand that the reason I want to work is not only for the extra money in my pocket.

I recently got off a relationship and I'll be honest and say I really liked this boy. So me going back and forth between school and work just gets my mind off of it. I refuse to stay home and cry. I would rather do something that is good for me and eventually benefit me in the future. I know I will get over him eventually and I know that there is other guys out there, but i'm not over it yet and well I refuse to bring myself down because of him.

No matter what is killing me inside, I will stay smiling on the outside and no one needs to know I'm not happy otherwise. A lot of people will kill to see you down but no honey I'll stay at the top. I have learned that just as you have people that care about you, you will also have people that can't stand to see you doing good. A lot of times it is hard to stay with that mind set. Having supportive people to have around you helps a lot. At least I know that I have people to rely on and they make me happy and forget that anything is even wrong.

The Overview

I divided a piece of paper in half and began writing.

Everyone has feelings, Whether its positive or negative, we are only human and the perception of these emotions simply defines us.

I jotted down a list of things that came to mind that made me happy/unhappy. I couldn't help but notice that side of things that made me unhappy outdated the things that make me happy. As I am reading my list I notice the amount of negativity that there is in this world. The power that society has to bring you down is impeccable. All those thoughts that prevent you from sleeping at night should be the same ones that motivate you to strive to the top. Not everything in life is bad. But the very few things that actually bring joy to your life you should appreciate more than anything. 

 

If you read my list you would think I am a sad person but I don't consider myself one. Besides all the negativity and stress I have in my life I don't show it. Because in reality who cares right? You should always consider yourself blessed because there will always be someone out there that is worse off than you are. You may get hurt emotionally and think its the end of the world but its not. Things will get better. as cheesy as this may sound "When a door closes another one opens". Just by simply writing a list I came up with several things that I need to change about myself. Things that I am self conscious about but never do anything to change.

 

I think this happiness project will help me reflect on the the things that make me unhappy and create more things that make me happy. You can't always be that optimistic and writing about yourself sometimes helps you realize things that you wouldn't figure out otherwise. As someone who is about to become an "adult" there is so much stress and pressure that relatives and peers emphasize us with that you just want to be done with it. Everyone has their issues right? but enough is enough sometimes. Writing down your thoughts, whether its on a piece of paper or typing it on a blog makes you elaborate all the endless possibilities that come with those thoughts. To be honest, I wouldn't even be writing in a blog as a personal pastime but shout out to Mrs. Shultz for making us do this.